Happy Do-Over

Here's what I wrote in December 2008:
Okay so here's my list of aspirations for 2009:
talk to my Grandparents more often
organize
wash the dog
organize
learn lots of things from Martha Stewart
knit ... no more blankets!
take walks
garden in a productive way
organize
get piano and violin lessons underway
send cards and presents out EARLY yeahright

I didn't organize anything, the clutter got worse.  It all migrated to my bedroom.
I checked out Martha Stewart's book Cooking School from the library but it was just... boring.
Kevin did all of the gardening.
Our dog Chena died in May. :(
I didn't do any walking, or exercising for that matter.
I didn't line up any kids for any music lessons.
I did knit, but only when I wasn't depressed or wasting time online or reading a book.
I sent out presents three days before Christmas... so, yeah.
I did get to visit my grandparents, though.  We spent time in Golovin with my Gramma Nuz, and in Nome with my Papa Billy.  I visited Nanny in Anchorage, sometimes with my dad, sometimes with the kids, but not enough - I did find newspaper articles from 1928 when she journeyed to Newark to be part of a reindeer/Eskimo/Santa exhibit in a department store.  That's her favorite memory, we hear about it often.

I don't know if I should just try for a do-over of last year's resolutions or forget the whole resolution thing entirely.  I remember thinking more than once last year, how do people find the motivation or energy or desire to even get up in the morning?

There are some firsts I pulled off in 2009... I roasted a turkey and cooked our whole Thanksgiving dinner!  I learned how to play chess.  I drove to Minneapolis from Bemidji.  It sounds like a dull, dull life - but it goes by so quickly because of the kids' activities, their streaming conversations, their silliness, their neediness.

This past year was the year I actually felt the effects of aging more than I felt the effects of illness.  I have a huge smile wrinkle or two that I choose to ignore, many gray hairs I'm not likely to dye, an understanding of "dress your age", and I think I'm getting thicker the way dogs get as they age.  Yeah, that.  This year also brought the realization that visiting with friends and family is such a rare thing, it's priceless.

So, maybe I'll try a resolution Do-Over, or maybe I'll just keep on managing the dull daily chaos, with those priceless moments here and there.